In her guest blog she shares these questions as doorways into paying attention to the needs of clergy and church leaders:
- What have you lost?
- Where does it hurt?
- What is keeping you alive?
- What gives you hope?
- How and what do you dream?
Sometimes a story calls forth another story. So I want to share a little of what is going on in my world based on Sarah's questions. Maybe my reflections will draw out a story from your own life?
I've been meandering around, trying to decide how to connect with you this week, . I've had so much coming at me for many weeks in a row, and it would be easy to sidestep all of it. But how do we learn from each other or connect in more meaningful ways, if we avoid the stories of what is going on in our lives? And I committed myself long ago to making connections with people who trust me enough to keep our conversation going about
the practice of ministry.
So what have I lost?
Mostly it feels like time. In recent weeks, I've lost so much time ... when I need to be writing or planning or simply doing the daily tasks of life. Instead, I've been pulled into urgent, caring for my parents, supporting other family members, and working through an endless to do list. I also recall this thought which has come up repeated in the last few weeks: the first thing to go when you're taking care of other people is your own
self-care. I wish this were not the case, but to be completely honest, it has been. Good habits help stave off the self-care losses. But even good habits are not enough when there's an emergent situation.
Sleep. Long nights on a hospital room with the sounds of machines and lights from the hallway do not lead to sound sleep. At other times my sleep has been lost over all the things on my mind that need care and attention... even when I'm trying to rest in a comfortable bed rather than on a hospital room couch.
Time and sleep can never be recovered. But my energy is renewable. Walking outside, eating
something green, napping, reading a good book, laughing with a friend. These moments of grace renew my energy. They help me make more of my time and feel the losses with less pain. What renews your energy?
Where does it hurt?
This spring on two different trips to New York. I ended up dragging my suitcase farther than usual through the streets of the city. Once was the result of a canceled flight, which put me there for an extra night. Both times I injured (then re-injured) my right shoulder (rotator cuff).
Mildly. Yet somehow it feels like a symbolic wound. I haven't worked out everything about what it means or what other pains are symbolized in the injury. (If I figure it out, I'll let you know!)
This summer
I've been to physical therapy during weeks when I was home. And I keep revisiting the PT exercises each day. Bit by bit the injury is getting better. But sometimes I wake in the night, and I've been sleeping on that shoulder the wrong way. And it hurts. Mostly it keeps me aware that the pains we carry in our bodies can be physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual. All at the same time.
It reminds my of my finitude, my limits, my creatureliness. And the hurt also keeps me aware of my need for healing and grace.
What is keeping me alive and giving me hope?
